You are more than married: You are the best sign of God’s love.

It is my experience that when spouses are in good relationship with each other, the children take care of themselves and you have a healthy family. Not perfect of course!

Couples –and all of us– have to change the paradigm of valuing their spousal relationship for their role as parents, and retake God’s plan for matrimony which is an awesome vocation, very important to Him. As a building needs a solid foundation so does matrimony.

The rock on which it is built is none other than the Bridegroom and how couples reflect his relationship with his Bride. This is their primary vocation. Not parenting.
I am delighted that there was a strong representation of couples at the Synod on the Family in 2014. When the bishops gathered for the Second Vatican Council (1962-1965), they brought with them Periti. These are theologians who are experts in theology. They accompanied the bishops to advise them. Likewise, at the Synod on the Family bishops brought couples, the experts in matrimony, to advise them.

Unlike the ordained and single, couples live more intense relationships and therefore are experts in the following:

• Dialogue (not discussion!)
• Forgiveness and healing
• Able to risk with ‘please forgive me for….’ Rather than a casual ‘I’m sorry.’ This is empowering their spouse.
• Listening, the key to communication
• Listening with empathy: more to the person than the words
• Listening more to how the problem makes their spouse feel than the problem itself
• Saying no to self and yes to their spouse
• Sharing at the level of feelings, emotions (opposite to discussion)
• Lifetime commitment – till death. Ordained can be dispensed from the priesthood. Couples cannot. Their marriage can be annulled (with much difficulty) but never a dispensation. This is why they are the best sign of Christ’s love for his Church. He cannot dispense himself from loving us!
• Know the value of celibacy for themselves and affirm priests and bishops in celibacy
• They know there’s more to their vocation of matrimony than sex!

The very core ingredient of the family is the sacramental, matrimonied couple. Like leaven is for the dough, the couple is for the family. The family will be as strong as the couple’s love is for each other. Just like the universal Church is as strong as is the family – the domestic Church.

If we want to renew the family we must begin with the renewal of couples.

Spouses, your role as a love example for the Church is in scripture. The best image the writers of the Old Testament could find to demonstrate God’s unconditional love is the matrimonied couple. In just about every book in the Old Testament (46), God’s relationship with his people is described as that of husband and wife.
I invite you, and all of us, to see yourselves as God sees and values you. The core of the family is you, the couple. If we keep focused on this belief and you strive to be the best spouses that you can be, then we will bring a newness, freshness, expression and enthusiasm to family life in our world.